Man Who Resembles All Voodoo Dolls Reports Constant Pain
Tuesday January 9, 2007
SIDLEIGH, Mass. — Glen Ordneau's striking resemblance to almost all voodoo dolls has brought him decades of agony–a condition only recently addressed by a skeptical medical community.
"We are combating some of the external conditions with moisturizing conditioner for his strawlike hair and body butter for his burlap-like skin," said Dr. Stilton Warnes, a cosmetic surgeon at Sidleigh Hospital. "But we'll have to resort to surgery and skin grafts to correct his pillowy limbs, stubby neck, and the birthmarks over his heart, liver, and other major curse zones."
A childhood accident in which Mr. Ordneau fell mouthfirst onto a sewer grate has also left his lips with a doll-like, stitched appearance.
Ordneau's black, button-round eyes teared-up as he recalled the discovery of his illness as a youth. "I was traveling with my parents, who bought me a voodoo doll in a New Orleans gift shop," he said. "On our flight back from Louisiana, a pen broke in my carry-on and I turned royal blue for a week. That was the first clue."
Despite Mr. Ordneau's declining health, doctors have postponed his surgery until further tests can be conducted. "Well, he looks like a giant voodoo doll," Dr. Warnes observed. "We're a little hesitant to start sticking needles in him."