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waltcesca

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Reply with quote  #1 
NJ has already heard this, but I thought to bring it over here to share with the REST of my family (please forgive the format as I am cutting and pasting to 'save time':
Quote:

Okay, it is getting time I think. . .

                                                                                                                                                                                       

to take a MUCH closer look at my marriage! There! I said it! Here is what is happening - my wife just had her 43rd birthday Monday. Now, all last week she kept telling me I was FORBIDDEN to do anything or BUY anything for her. After ten YEARS of marriage (well ten years this October) I finally LISTENED! I got her NOTHING, no card, no flowers, no present! So what do I get in return? I scathing email when I got home (well back to my hotel, as I am still away in training) saying that I am NOT the kind of husband she expected me to be forgetting to do anything for her birthday even as far as getting her a card or flowers or anything! WTF?!?!?! It isn't like I wasn't TOLD by her CONSTANTLY to do EXACTLY WHAT I DID!

So tell me, women of PEEVES, what exactly did I do 'wrong'? Should I have just done what I normally would do and IGNORE her?Furious She told ME that I should not call her because she wasn't interested in hearing from me anytime in the near future and that she would have to 'THINK' about where we are! Now, I am not paranoid or anything, but dang if she doesn't sound like she is about to move out while I am up here!

On the other hand, I know she gets all 'squirrelly' when it is that time of the month for her (she did just buy the stuff for when that starts) AND she was SICK on her birthday to top it all off, but I only have so much patience and have put up with this and worse over the past ten years and SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT!

I am NOT a psychic, I do NOT read minds, I am ONLY human, what did I do? Next time, I will just ignore whatever she tells me and do what I do and deal with any repercussions! GRRRRRRGuns WE ARE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE!!! I didn't play those games when I WAS in high school!!!


and then:
Quote:

                                                       

Don’t go Changing, to try to please me. . .

                                                                                                                       
                                                               

And don't expect that change from me, ohhh ohh oh oh, I just want someone, that I can talk to, I love you JUST the way you are!

LOL, I'll wager THIS guy ISN'T ,married!!! or if he WAS, he isn't any longer!Furious

See what this is doing to me? I can already feel the darkness trying to move in from out of the depths of my soul!Guns You know the BEST thing that happened to me was to marry Francesca! I swear, I would have been killed OR been thrown into prison had I not met her! I for certain would have permanently lost my smile and ability to laugh!

I don't want to go back to what I was turning into; a woman hating, bitter, unfeeling, shallow , bastard, plotting, conniving, LITTLE BOY! On that was even starting to listen to and UNDERSTANDING that OLD COUNTRY MUSIC! y'all know which I speak of, the one where the dog dies, the wife runs off with the best friend, the truck won't start, and mama is in jail AGAIN! Yep, picture that and ME, with the boots, hat and ALL!Blush

Now picture that PLUS my collection of knives, the little ones you can hide ANYWHERE!

Geesh, gonna have nightmares fer sure tonight!


                                                                                                                       

And 'finally' in answer to what is REALLY going on with Francesca's seemingly OVER reaction to a perceived missed birthday:

Quote:

For the record, I sent her a bunch of flowers AND a card begging for forgiveness, no reply except to say WHEN I get back then we can schedule counseling!

But let me tell you a ‘little’ background here:

There are DEFINITELY deeper issues here, let me go back to November to get us all caught up -

I GRADUATED with an MBA in Human Resource Development. The thought behind getting that degree was because, up until I graduated, I had been stuck at home for 3 years with MS and thought a degree would allow me a desk job of some sort. I HATE desk jobs, doesn’t ‘fit’ my personality. I gotta TALK to people, INTERACT, with people, but not just any people, DIFFERENT people. That and I HATE talking on phones, too impersonal.

Alright, so now I am job hunting, but guess what? In MY area, there weren’t (and still aren’t) ANY HR ENTRY LEVEL positions to be had! My MBA, as I thought it would turn out to be, is ‘just a piece of paper’. Oh we are proud that I got it, especially considering what I went through physically to attain it, but still, just a piece of paper proclaiming, ‘I didn’t give up!’

So, back to the job hunt; once I discovered my MS left my body, I could go back career choice I had been forced from three years ago. Francesca knew when I left work, that if it was possible, I wanted to go BACK to doing what MY dream was (to manage a restaurant). She agreed to allow me to ALSO look for those kinds of jobs as long as I kept looking for that HR one. I also agreed that whichever job offer was first, that was the one I would take (after discussing it with her, of course).

Six MONTHS later and about 150 INTERVIEWS and around 60 SECOND (2nd not 60ths of a minute) interviews, I had been waiting to hear from one restaurant right on Cannerey Row, out over the water, at a ‘fine dining’ restaurant. I LOVED the place, my wife (and her mother) were not too happy about it. Mostly because THEIR training was 8 WEEKS long and held in SAN DIEGO! They wanted to know why I had to train for so long since I have so MANY years experience as a manager to begin with. I tried explaining to both of them that while true, I DO have extensive restaurant management experience, I had NO experience with THAT company and how THAT company does things. The begrudgingly agreed to that ‘logic’, but were still hoping I didn’t get the job. I didn’t get the job. Would have been ‘perfect’ for me as it was UNDER two miles from my house and a bus runs right by it!

Now, Francesca’s mom is a journalist that writes chef profiles for restaurants in Carmel, they wanted me to work in Carmel at one of those places. That way, I could drive in with Francesca, and they could tell ALL their friends about me being THE manager at one of those places. Problem- I HATE Carmel, always have, maybe always will. I don’t like it because of how ’snooty’ people are there. My wife & her mother tell me I am not correct, the people of Carmel are NOT snooty OR snobby! However, the TOURISTS that come into Francesca’s shop in Carmel often come in with ‘ghastly’ stories of how other shop keepers have treated them, POORLY like they were worth nothing except as a bank account. Francesca heard this EVERYTIME it happened and I was there, and she still insist Carmel is not like that. Other shop keepers will walk in once in awhile with bad stories of their customers, but mostly stories that sounded more like they, the shop keeper, WAS the problem and it was ALL about the attitude! No, I HATE Carmel, but it is Francesca’s dream to have a store in Carmel, so I am happy she got her dream. Carmel does not figure in ANY of MY work-related dreams, and if her mother didn’t live in Carmel I would only be there long enough to pick my wife up and get back out.
Did I mention I don’t like Carmel?

So now, after 9 MONTHS, the ONLY place that has offered me a job is one that has a training of FIVE WEEKS! Since the store is losing money from this economy, NOW it is alright that I take a job that requires such a long training for it’s managers. Oh I still hear the, ‘Why do you need training? You have management experience already.’ Ofc course my experience isn’t with this STYLE of restaurant so regardless, I have no experience. I have explained this to wife & her mom, they get it, they just don’t like it. Personally, I don’t care to be gone this long from my wife (and I tell her this everytime we talk, but apparently not with enough energy for her taste. But you know what? WHEN we talk, it is usually within two hours of me getting ‘home’ from training, I am dead on my feet, and half the time, she had woke me up by calling!

So since I am ALWAYS tired (heck, I AM training not just ‘doing’ a management position at my home store. I am doing things I WON’T be doing back home, it’ll be more ‘laid back’ and ‘relaxed’), apparently I am not being the attentive husband she wants me to be. I am tired up here, it is HOT up here, and I am have no time to study as much as I would like, all this so I can pass TWO upcoming tests that will decide if I am even HIRED all the way!

So, throw all of that in and note that my store is in Salinas, which is a 25 mile one way trip WITH NO DIRECT BUS SERVICE and gas being what it is, is REALLY driving her nuts! Now I guarantee IF the 25 mile trip had been into Carmel or Camel Valley, I wouldn’t be hearing anything about the length, but SHE hates Salinas! She and her mother think Salinas is too, ‘low brow’ and too dangerous with the gang element over there. I was living in Salinas when we met, I KNOW about those gangs and people. She also mentioned the customer base is very blue collar! Is that a bad thing? I think she was trying NOT to ‘be that way’, but it sure came out like a CARMELITE! (c;}

LOL this is SOOO ‘Opposites attract’ it isn’t even funny! She hates that I was raised in a poorer part of Los Angeles and therefore wasn’t exposed to wine that didn’t have a SCREW ON TOP!!! OR that I didn’t know what those little espresso cup thingies were called (she said,’EVERYBODY’ knows what that is called!). I know she just worries about me, but the more she does, the more I think she doesn’t trust ME to be smart about how I make decisions when I am not around her!

Oops, gotta ’save’ this for counseling, gotta reword it though so it doesn’t sound like an attack because it really isn’t. We are just two DIFFERENT people that is all, but that is what makes us, us!




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nannyjo

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hugs, dear to you and"Cessca"  I wish that I had words of wisdom to offer. The best I got is... Maybe once you get back and settle into somekind of routine and normalcy in your life  maybe it will all get better.



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waltcesca

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Reply with quote  #3 
Well, she called ME tonight AFTER I got home (at 12AM!). She didn't sound 'happy' NOR 'upset', just tired. I understand that, it IS way past her bedtime and she is probably starting to realize what she said to me. Well, I will try to call her tomorrow when I get home, since I know she isn't open on Sunday's. Of course, this will all depend on how tired I am.

It is starting to look slowly like things are getting back to 'normal', that WE are going to 'make it'. All that and she hasn't even received the flowers and bear I sent! LOL, can't wait until she GET'S the flowers! Of course, it ain't over 'till it's over, right?  (c;}

NOW I can get some REAL sleep and leave those knife thoughts ALONE!  (C;}

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Questmaker

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Reply with quote  #4 
I hope things do get as normal as married life can be.
I can see how coming from different backgrounds can cause problems. I come from a relatively middle class background. My husband comes from lower than that. Anyway at times he calls me uppity. I'm not but he harbors deep seated resentment for anyone who had it better than he did.

waltcesca

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Questmaker
I hope things do get as normal as married life can be.
I can see how coming from different backgrounds can cause problems. I come from a relatively middle class background. My husband comes from lower than that. Anyway at times he calls me uppity. I'm not but he harbors deep seated resentment for anyone who had it better than he did.



For the record; as 'different' as we are, she was actually RAISED 'richer' than I was. Even though she wasn't, that is how her single mother raised her. Well that and she WAS raised in the Napa Valley after moving here from Italy! LOL, and they BOTH know I feel this way, They are two (her mother & she) are THE most stuck up, judgdemental, high than though, people I have ever met! That s why, though, I am SOOOOOO very much in LOVE with her, if she were like me, I would be BORED to tears!

Now, that said, I talked with her tonight and she will pick me up from work tomorrow at 2330 hrs and bring me back in time for my shift!

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