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Reply with quote  #1 

Qantas Aussie Humor
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
          Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.  Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.  After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.  Never let it be said that ground crews lack a good Aussie sense of humor.

          Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.  By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S:  Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P:  Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P:  Something loose in cockpit.
S:  Something tightened in cockpit.

P:  Dead bugs on windshield.
S:  Live bugs on back-order.

P:  Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet per minute descent.
S:  Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P:  Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S:  Evidence removed.

P:  DME volume unbelievably loud.
S:  DME volume set to more believable level.

P:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S:  That's what friction locks are for.

P:  IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S:  IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P:  Suspected crack in windshield.
S:  Suspect you're right.

P:  Number 3 engine missing.
S:  Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P:  Aircraft handles funny.
S:  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P:  Target radar hums.
S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P:  Mouse in cockpit.
S:  Cat installed.

And the best one for last:

P:  Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S:  Took hammer away from midget


It's a turtle thing

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Posts: 1,885
Reply with quote  #2 

Oh this is just TOO funny! I almost peed my pants laughing so much!!! Thanks!

I am what I am and that's ALL what I am!

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White Dwarf
Posts: 782
Reply with quote  #3 
Thanks chevy. My favorite was the second to last.
P. Mouse in cockpit
S Cat installed


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Yellow Star
Posts: 195
Reply with quote  #4 

Those are all funny.  I liked all of them


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Posts: 481
Reply with quote  #5 

Did you notice how all this correspondence was written?  I don't think I could have given the solutions with a straight face.


It's a turtle thing
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